Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Heck ya, it was like the hardest interview ever!

Manager: Thank you for joining me today, Mr. Dynamite. I see that you have an interest in our graphic artist position so we’ll talk about that in a few minutes. But I’d first like to give you an opportunity to tell me about yourself. Where would you like to start, Napoleon?

Napoleon Dynamite: Wherever I feel like, gosh!

Manager: That’s great. Well, let’s just skip our little intro. Napoleon, I noticed that you didn’t participate in a summer internship. How did you spend your time the last couple of months?

Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!

Manager: Did you shoot any?

Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?

Manager: What kind of gun did you use?

Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?

Manager: Of course, I should’ve known (nutcase)!

Manager: Let’s see now…..do you have any experience making presentations in front of large audiences? That could be very useful in this position.

Napoleon Dynamite: Sure, last semester I had to give a presentation on current events. It was about how these Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

Manager: That couldn’t be more interesting, and I’d love to explore that further but we’re getting a bit short on time.

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, if you decide you don’t like me would you at least hire Pedro?

Manager: Who’s Pedro? And why would I hire him?

Napoleon Dynamite: He’s like my best friend, and heck yes you should hire him!

Manager: Why? What are his relevant skills?

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, for starters, he has a sweet bike. And he’s really good at hooking up with chicks. His cousins have all the sweet hook-ups and he’s like the only guy at school who has a mustache.

Manager: I’m not making any promises, but I think it’s safe to say…..NO, we don’t have a place for Pedro.

Manager: Enough about Pedro, tell me about your skills.

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, I’m pretty good at drawing. My favorite thing to draw is a liger.

Manager: What's a liger?

Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for their skills in magic.

Manager: That’s truly captivating. However, I’m not sure it is relevant to this position.

Manager: Well, Napoleon, this is going to be a very difficult decision, but we hope to make a final decision next week.

Napoleon Dynamite: Just follow your heart, sir. That's what I do.

Napoleon Dynamite: So, we're like best friends now, right?

Manager: Right, right. Security?!

Napoleon Dynamite: So, then, you got my back and everything, right?

Manager ......what?

Security: Please step this way Mr. Napoleon!

Napoleon Dynamite: Who’s the only one here trained by the government to do illegal ninja moves? Never mind…...hey, can I use your guys’s phone for a sec?

Security: Is there something wrong?

Napoleon Dynamite: I don’t feel very good.

Security: Step this way, sir.

Napoleon Dynamite: k’ bye.

“Taylor Hicks” “Sarah Vowell” youtube

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